The Toxic Melody
by DarkAngel2112
Summary: Previously titled "Meu Anxo." Song!Fics. The two published are both Mergana, but I may continue this with other pairings as well.
1. Meu Anxo

**A/N: **_Hello, readers. Just letting you know, the song used is "Angels" by Within Temptation, and the title of this chapter is Gailician (I have no idea if I spelled that right) for "my angel". Thanks for reading and please review! This is Mergana, by the way._

* * *

><p><em>Sparkling angel, I believe<br>You are my saviour  
>In my time of need<br>Blinded by faith  
>I couldn't hear<br>All the whispers  
>The warnings, so clear<em>

He should have seen it coming. Idiot, he thought. She was going to be the death of him. And he'd known that. Kilgharrah had told him as much. But he had trusted her anyway. He hadn't done anything. Was the fall of Camelot… was it truly his fault? Could he have stopped this earlier?

His mind flashed to an earlier conversation with Morgana. So many years ago. When she had told him of her nightmares, of her suspicions that she had magic… it would have been so easy to tell her than. To let her know that she had a friend; someone to confide in. Someone who understood what it was like to have to hide what you were, and to feel like an outsider because of something you couldn't help.

It was too late now.

_I see the angels  
>I'll lead them to your door<br>There is no escape now  
>Now mercy no more<br>No remorse 'cause I still remember  
>The smile when you tore me apart<br>_

Had he loved her?

Of course not. Only an idiot could love their enemy.

Oh. He was an idiot. Oh…

And now it was too late.

Merlin was perhaps delirious, as he felt his life force leaving him. Were these truly the musings of a mad man? Too much time had passed for him to recall his feelings for Morgana before… before she had decided to turn her back on everyone and everything she knew.

_You took my heart  
>Deceived me right from the start<br>You showed me dreams  
>I wished they'd turn to real<br>You broke the promise  
>And made me realize<br>It was all just a lie_

It was wrong. He'd known it was wrong. He'd known it was wrong from the moment he'd started feeling the feelings. The feelings he'd felt were useless, for what could come of them? They were both magic, descendents of the Old Religion, and he couldn't change that. He also couldn't change that she was Uther's ward… Uther's ward that had magic. Uther's ward for who help came too late. And love.

"You will never lose by loving. You will lose by holding back."

What a lie that was. Merlin had lost nearly everything because of his love for Morgana. His love that he'd never spoken of. Perhaps she'd seen it in his eyes, though, for she surely knew. And it showed. Now, of all times… it showed.

_Sparkling angel_  
><em>Couldn't see<em>  
><em>Your dark intentions<em>  
><em>Your feelings for me<em>

She'd had him at hello and killed him at goodbye. Quite literally, in fact. Oh, but he'd known when she was too far gone. Once she'd joined forces with Morgause… it was over. And a million words would not bring her back… Merlin knew because he'd tried them all. And neither would a million tears… he knew because he'd cried them all.

He couldn't ever give her the joy of knowing that, though. Oh, but maybe she already did… Merlin shuddered to think of it.

Well, at least it was over.

Oh, who was he kidding? No, it wasn't. It wasn't over.

It would never be over. Not now, not ever.

_Fallen angel  
>Tell me why<br>What is the reason?  
>The thorn in your eye<em>

Morgana's heart bled for Merlin no more. It had turned to stone. Satisfied with her work, her eyes scanned the field of dead bodies. Arthur and Mordred were amongst them. And another man… Merlin. Of course. He would die with his Once and Future King. It was only fitting, Morgana thought. She couldn't stop looking at him, though. It was his own fault he was here, anyway. Why should she feel... no. That wasn't guilt. She wasn't guilty of _anything_. If anyone was going to be guilty of something, it was Merlin. A simple confession, it could have happened all those years ago... but Merlin had made his choice. And she'd made hers.

And this was where it had led them.

_I see the angels_  
><em>I'll lead them to your door<em>  
><em>There is no escape now<em>  
><em>No mercy no more<em>  
><em>No remorse 'cause I still remember<em>  
><em>The smile when you tore me apart<em>

He caught her gaze. He saw her come to him. He knew Arthur was dead; he'd fulfilled his destiny. They both had. And Merlin didn't want to hold on. Holding on, some might think, would make him strong, but really, it might be the letting go. And he wanted to let go, but something wouldn't allow him. He had to see her, this one last time. See if maybe… there was a hint of the Morgana he'd used to know. The one he loved.

He still loved her.

_You took my heart  
><em>_Deceived me right from the start  
><em>_You showed me dreams  
><em>_I wished they'd turn in to real  
><em>_You broke a promise, and made me realize  
><em>_It was all just a lie_

As the king's ward, Morgana had been around money almost all the time as she had been growing up. She knew what money could do; how powerful riches could make you. But she knew for a fact that you could not buy love, although she seemed to be paying heavily for it now. She crossed the field and looked down at Merlin. The warlock stared at her with tired eyes. He was done. Perhaps, Morgana mused, sometimes you don't realize how much you care for someone until they stop caring for you. But one look and Morgana knew… he hadn't stopped caring. Because trying to forget someone you love is often like trying to remember someone you've never met.

Falling in love and having your heart broken was like a cut. It would heal and fade with time, but the scar never went away. Morgana never knew how many scars she'd caused Merlin.

_Could have been forever_  
><em>Now we have reached the end<em>  
><em>This world may have failed you<em>  
><em>It doesn't give the reason why<em>  
><em>You could have chosen<em>  
><em>A different path in life<em>

What Morgana had done, what she had become… it was his fault. It was. Merlin came to the conclusion as he realized how hard breathing was becoming. And Morgana, well… Morgana nearly wished she'd saved all her tears for Merlin… just so she could drown him in them. Show him what he'd done. It would certainly be kinder, she knew, than watching him die slowly and painfully in front of her. Who knew how much longer he would continue to lie there? The most heated love would have the coldest end, she decided. He would lie there as long as she desired. To make him feel what she'd felt. To make him pay for all he'd done to her.

Sure, it sounded great in her mind… but could she really do it? For the first time in years, Morgana le Fay felt unsure of her abilities. Her abilites to withhold and resist. When had they begun to fail her?

Now. Now, it seemed, and only now.

_The smile when you tore me apart_  
><em>You took my heart<em>  
><em>Deceived me right from the start<em>  
><em>You showed me dreams<em>  
><em>I wished they'd turn in to real<em>  
><em>You broke a promise<em>  
><em>And made me realize<em>  
><em>It was all just a lie<em>

"Please."

A flash – and he was gone.

_Could have been forever  
><em>_Now we have reached the end._


	2. Releasing the Monster

**A/N: **_This is the companion piece to "Meu Anxo." I'm wondering if I should continue these song!fics and do other pairings, not just Mergana. If you would like me to, please vote in the poll on my profile. I have a lot of ideas right now and I can't accomplish them all in the two and a half months of summer I have, so please, do vote! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! And remember, reviews make my world go round!_

_The song used is "Monster" by Paramore. It's an incredible song, one of my new favorites. As with "Angels", I immediately thought of Mergana when I heard it._

* * *

><p><em>You were my conscience<br>__So silent, now you're like water  
><em>_And we started drowning, not like we'd sink any farther_

Merlin didn't think Morgana noticed. Well, he _hoped_ she didn't. But he watched her, sometimes. No, not in a creepy way. He didn't sneak into her room at night and watch her sleep… well, maybe one time he did that, but he was just concerned about her magic… after all, she'd almost blown herself up once!

But he watched her. He saw the way she swayed into the ballroom during feasts with such grace that no other noblewoman, no matter how high-class, could even hope to come close to. Then, in the corridors of the castle, it was always a different story. Unless someone was watching – that someone not being Merlin – she never walked the way she did in front of company. Her shoulders hunched forward, her head was bent, and her hands hung limply at her sides. She only looked up when necessary.

That had all been before Morgause.

_But I let my heart go  
><em>_It's somewhere down at the bottom  
><em>_But I'll get a new one  
><em>_Come back for the hope that you've stolen_

Morgana walked differently when she had returned to Camelot a year after her "disappearance". She always walked very briskly and looked as though she had a chip on her shoulder. No one stopped her in the hallway to chat anymore; they just let her go on by. She excused herself early whenever she could.

Merlin stopped watching her. He didn't think he could bear seeing her anymore.

_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_From turning into a monster  
><em>_And eating us alive  
><em>_Don't you ever wonder how we survive?  
><em>_Well, now that you're gone  
><em>_The world is ours_

It wasn't like anyone – albeit Arthur, but Arthur was a prat, anyway – had ever noticed "Morgana and Merlin". No one saw the looks. The glances. No one heard the words. The whispers. And for a while, neither the witch nor the warlock saw them.

Until one day, they did. And they both remembered that day quite clearly.

_I'm only human  
><em>_I've got a skeleton in me  
><em>_But I'm not the villain  
><em>_Despite what you're always preaching_

Morgana had no home, as far as she was concerned. She would go where her sister went. Her home may have been in Camelot once, but really, was it _really_ home? Home was somewhere you were always accepted, no matter what. No one judged you because of whom or what you were.

So, no, Morgana decided, Camelot was definitely _not_ ever her home.

Perhaps it had been this lack of home that had driven her to… what she had become. Morgause had been her savior, however. She would be lost without her sister. Morgause had shown her what she truly was, and what she could become. With the right teachings, Morgana knew she could become powerful, and she would never be the scared young woman that she had been in Camelot. The dreams had scared her when they'd first come, but now she knew there was nothing to fear.

And Merlin had never helped her like that.

_Call me a traitor  
><em>_I'm just collecting your victims  
><em>_They're getting stronger  
><em>_I hear them calling… they're calling_

Beautiful, though she was, Morgana knew she could not masquerade as the good daughter forever. There was one memory of Camelot, however, that she did not seem to be able to get rid of, at least not completely. It was that one night with Merlin, when she had gone looking for Gaius and she'd found his blue-eyed charge instead. Merlin had always fascinated her a bit, to be honest. It always seemed like he knew something you didn't, but he'd never hint towards it. If he _did _know something secret, he would most definitely be keeping it to himself, that was for sure.

That must have been the reason Morgana had taken a leap of faith and told him about her nightmares. Told him how they frightened her. But what had she been looking for, really? Sympathy? Comfort? Clearly neither was ever going to come from Merlin. He'd betrayed her in the end.

He had no right to say _she _was the bad guy.

_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_From turning into a monster  
><em>_And eating us alive  
><em>_Don't you ever wonder how we survive?  
><em>_Well, now that you're gone  
><em>_The world is ours_

The young warlock Merlin had a lot to think about as of late. Camelot was in the process of coming back to life, so to speak, and Arthur was just as confused as ever. Merlin didn't think of himself as a hero, he was just a young man trying to do what was right in life. Which meant that, sometimes, he would have to make hard choices.

Life over love.

Destiny over emotion.

Duty over desire.

All were hard choices, but in the end Merlin knew which one he would always end up choosing. And with Morgana… sometimes a person was just too far gone – past their breaking point – and they couldn't be brought back. Morgana was a shell of the woman he'd once known, but she almost seemed happier that way.

For loving her, did that make him just as crazy as she seemed?

_Will you find your strength in sinner's shames?  
><em>_But I like the tension  
><em>_And not always knowing the answers  
><em>_You're gonna lose it  
><em>_You're gonna lose it_

One day, Merlin was going on a routine patrol with Arthur. It was nothing exciting, until the largest, fiercest wolf any of the knights and Merlin had ever seen turned up. A few of the knights had been wounded, and the wolf had slashed Merlin right across the chest with its gargantuan claws.

Right over his heart.

Arthur almost made himself sick with worry over his manservant – who was an idiot, he tried to tell himself, and was no means for such fretting – but there was one sight Merlin didn't think he could forget. As two knights carried him (one being Gwaine, who tried to hide the concern in his voice by joking with Merlin in an attempt to keep his friend awake) they had passed Morgana's chambers. Hearing the news of what had happened; Morgana chose that exact moment to open the door. At the sight of Merlin, with all the blood soaked right through his tunic, her eyes had widened and her hand flew to cover her gaping mouth.

Had she really been so worried about him? Merlin could only wonder. Or had it all been part of her act?

If it was the latter, she was probably the very best actor Merlin had ever seen.

_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_From turning into a monster  
><em>_And eating us alive  
><em>_Don't you ever wonder how we survive?  
><em>_Well, now that you're gone  
><em>_The world…_

Morgana had a row with Uther one day (not that this was an uncommon occurrence), and she was in the process of storming off to her room when she'd run into Merlin. She'd politely excused herself, but looked straight up at him, and into those blue crystal eyes.

Biggest mistake of her life.

Morgana nearly lost it right then and there. Everything about Merlin was in his _eyes_. Every fear, every hope, every dream. Morgana wondered if her eyes were like that; she certainly hoped that they weren't. If they were, she was definitely in trouble.

Still, that moment had stuck with her. And every time she looked into his eyes, she remembered. What could have been.

What would be.

Both were very different from the other.

It's for the best, Morgana decided. She decided that a long time ago.

_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_I'll stop the whole world  
><em>_From turning into a monster  
><em>_And eating us alive  
><em>_Don't you ever wonder how we survive?  
><em>_Now that you're gone  
><em>_The world is ours_


End file.
